Home Your Tech Entertainment Entertainment Steve Jobs' spaaaaaace ship campus launches 2015

Steve Jobs' spaaaaaace ship campus launches 2015

Ok, so we all know that Steve Jobs is on another planet half the time, with recent departures sneakily disguised as 'medical leave', from where he gets his world-beating iDeas, and now he's not-so-secretly building a new campus in a UFO-esque donut shape - but we all really know it's a life-size vessel to introduce us all to Jobs' iPlanet!!

Mulder knew it years ago: the truth it out there.

Now, with Steve Jobs building a secret spaceship in the form of Apple's new campus, the truth must really be out there - out there somewhere in outer space, and not the cyberspace that we always assumed.

Cleverly designed to look merely like a UFO-esque donut shaped building, with special curved glass that presumably is fully ready for the vacuum of space, Steve Jobs even had to get special permission from the Cuperitno City Council, as you can see in this YouTube video.

Indeed, here's the artist's impression of the building that has been released by Apple and be seen all over the Internet, with the news coming from TUAW and with some extra detail from Slashgear.



Apple currently has 2800 employees, and as Steve Jobs explains in the video, Apple has had to rent more and more buildings in a greater and greater radius around Apple's current Cupertino campus.

But in what sounds like special preparation for an iNtergalactic journey, Jobs is clearly making sure his new ship will be well stocked with a large iCrew of people, with the new campus set to accommodate 12,000 iEmployees on four storeys.

Yes, we're all meant to think that this is just a pentagon style building without the pents or the gons, and instead fully circular, but Steve Jobs can't fool us!

Slashgear's transcript of part of Jobs' talk to the council is one you need to read between the lines, where he specifically mentions spaceships - don't be fooled into thinking this is only an iBuilding, when it's clearly an iSpaceship, something America sorely needs now that the Space Shuttles are so close to their final flight ever.

What did Mr Jobs say? Please read on to page two'¦


Steve Jobs is quoted in the Cupertino Council video stating that:

'It's a pretty amazing building. It's a little like a spaceship landed. It's got this gorgeous courtyard in the middle'¦ It's a circle. It's curved all the way around. If you build things, this is not the cheapest way to build something. There is not a straight piece of glass in this building. It's all curved.

'We've used our experience making retail buildings all over the world now, and we know how to make the biggest pieces of glass in the world for architectural use. And, we want to make the glass specifically for this building here. We can make it curve all the way around the building'¦ It's pretty cool', concluded Steve Jobs, Captain of the iShip Apple.

Hah. Little did we know that Apple Stores were really secret spaceship materials testing sites, in preparation for the construction of the iMothership!

And now we know why Steve Jobs needed to create the iPad. It's his homage to Star Trek PADDs, which as we know from watching Star Trek are instrumental in the running of a modern starship.

There's even talk of an 'on-site natural gas energy system', but clearly, this is just code again for an 'on-site natural gas energy take-off system', allowing the iShip to float upwards into the atmosphere before warping off into space.

After all, now that Steve Jobs has conquered the smartphone and tablet markets on planet Earth, only space remains as the final iFrontier.

Also, one has to wonder whether Apple will also be using this building for its future WWDC and other special events.

Steve Jobs did note during his WWDC speech that more people than ever before had registered to attend WWDC, with over 5200 attendees.

Mr Jobs complained that there wasn't anywhere bigger.

Well, if the mountain you want your WWDC attendees to come to isn't big enough, then why not take your brand new mothership-sized iMountain to the WWDC attendees, except to make the WWDC attendees now come to the mothership instead?

If it's all getting too iComplicated, fear not. By 2015, the iShip iOS will be fully ready for flight operations, and the iTransition to full mothership status will be complete.

Steve Jobs and Apple are not lost in spaaaaace'¦ they're getting ready to conquer it. First stop, the iMoon, then we pass by Mars to pick up supplies of iNobtanium, and then it's off to the iPlanet, where all your iDreams will come true.

Just like the truth of this story. Most of this story is out there, really, really out there, but for the real truth, watch the YouTube video and know that the only way is up, baby, to infinity'¦ and iBeyond!



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Alex Zaharov-Reutt

One of Australia’s best-known technology journalists and consumer tech experts, Alex has appeared in his capacity as technology expert on all of Australia’s free-to-air and pay TV networks on all the major news and current affairs programs, on commercial and public radio, and technology, lifestyle and reality TV shows. Visit Alex at Twitter here.