During the battle, Apple spies managed to steal secret plans to the Android’s ultimate weapon, the DEATH GRIP, an armoured Nexus phone with enough power to deafen permanently by screaming ‘You’re holding it wrong!’.
Pursued by the Android’s sinister agents, Prince Cook races home aboard his iShip, custodian of the Force Touch plans that can annihilate Android copycats and restore iPhreedom to the galaxy....
Ok, with Star Wars: The Force Awakens tie-ins out of the way, and references to 'Game of Phones' aside, 9to5Mac is reporting that Apple’s Force Touch - as used on select MacBooks and the Apple Watch - is going to get an upgrade for use with the new iPhone 6s and 6s Plus.
The Mac blog suggests that Force Touch on iPhones will be renamed to ‘3D Touch Display’, because it is a next-generation version of the technology.
The reasoning is that the pressure-sensitive screen can act upon ‘three levels of pressure’, being ‘ a tap, a press, and a deeper press,’ which is ‘according to sources’ who seem to have spent too much time drinking wine in Jabba’s court.
That’s because the CURRENT version of Force Touch on MacBooks is already highly pressure sensitive, allowing you to press with a harder or softer force to fast forward or rewind at faster or slower rates when watching videos in Quicktime, for example.
In addition, you can sign your name on documents with the trackpad, and the harder you push, the thicker the line.
So, if there truly is a next-gen aspect to the implementation of Force Touch in the iPhone 6s, it will clearly be explained a lot better than the mishmash of seemingly inaccurate information from 9to5Mac.
That said, 9to5Mac gets a lot of its rumourmongering right, so we’ll just have to see what this week’s announcements bring.
Examples of how Force Touch on the iPhone will work are given. These include being able to press harder on a location in Apple Maps, whereupon you’ll be taken to the navigation screen in maps - saving a good couple of clicks.
Other examples including being able to press harder on the phone icon to be taken directly to the voicemail section as well as pressing harder on a song in Apple Music to have it saved for offline listening.
No doubt we will see plenty more examples during Apple’s keynote, including, presumably, the ability to fast forward and rewind at different speeds depending on how hard you’re pressing the relevant buttons in Apple’s inbuilt media player.
9to5Mac suggests the Taptic engine will also make an appearance to provide haptic feedback for the Force pressing, ensuring that not only is the force with you, always, but that you can feel it, too.
We're also expecting to see a 12 megapixel camera, 4K video recording, a high-res front facing Facetime camera, and A9 processor, a new 'rose gold' colour option and more.
In related iNews, some iOS 9 beta testers have been receiving incorrect notifications that the final version of iOS 9 is available, something not expected to happen for a couple of weeks yet, while Forbes has an interesting article on the iPhone’s revolutionary evolutions.
And hey, if you want to make your own animated Star Wars crawl, you can do that right here at the official Star Wars site.