Monday, 01 April 2019 01:47

April fool: Exclusive: Scott Morrison to buy back Telstra, merge with NBN to deliver TBN

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The proposed new Telstra Broadband Network logo - a mix of old and new The proposed new Telstra Broadband Network logo - a mix of old and new

Behold, Scott Morrison's plan to fix the NBN will be unveiled in tomorrow's budget papers, with the birth of the TBN, or Telstra Broadband Network.

Needing to come up with a series of Labor-beating election winners, one that iTWire has exclusively learned of regards the brave move of nationalising Telstra, something Labor was expected to secretly do should it win the 2019 Federal Election.

Wishing to strike first is first-time Prime Minister Scott Morrison, and his first-time treasurer, Josh Frydenberg, whose first times in the job might be their last, so the word is that they've nothing to lose – save their positions, honour, dignity and power.

Thus the bold and brave moves to nationalise Telstra by the pending announcement to forcibly acquire all Telstra shares at current market value, and as with the current NBN arrangement, do it all off-books as an investment for the country's future.

The move will ensure the intense duplication between Telstra and NBN is eliminated, and the more experienced Telstra staff set to take control of the FTTN rollout they had planned in 2005, which was stopped by the supposed "True Hero" that was Sol Trujillo.

Of course, a potential election winner will be for PM Morrison to declare the newly reformed TBN or Telstra Broadband Network will switch to a full FttC rollout, with FttN areas set to be progressively upgraded over the next few years.

PM Scott Morrison is believed to have whispered that "Telstra is the only real buyer for the NBN anyway, so why wait? We can force the issue now and merge the two entities together, and we could even re-sell the combined entity down the track for a lot more than the NBN will ever end up being worth".

Despite the money being off the books, the word we're hearing is that the Federal Government will cut down its orders of the French submarines while ordering a few fewer F-35 Joint Strike Fighters.

This will ensure the money comes from already approved expenditure, rather than from the printing press, so as to avoid adding to inflationary pressures, as well as avoiding the spoilage of the Coalition's hard-won budget surplus.

Whether this will be enough by itself to wrest the election from the Labor Party is yet to be seen, but we are reliably informed that there are yet further budget surprises to come – all of which, rather miraculously, will also have no impact on the budget surplus position.

After all, no government set to claim a surplus wants a surfeit of surplus-busting surprises, so it will certainly be an interesting day tomorrow.

PM Scott Morrison is set to be joined by Treasurer Josh Frydenberg to pre-announce this rather surprising news at 12 noon Canberra time, although it has to be said – if they miss this rather conspicuous deadline, we'll all be April fools.

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Alex Zaharov-Reutt

Alex Zaharov-Reutt is iTWire's Technology Editor is one of Australia’s best-known technology journalists and consumer tech experts, Alex has appeared in his capacity as technology expert on all of Australia’s free-to-air and pay TV networks on all the major news and current affairs programs, on commercial and public radio, and technology, lifestyle and reality TV shows. Visit Alex at Twitter here.

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