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An open letter to spammers
David Heath
Thursday, 01 October 2009 05:07
Medical research has proven that nothing will make me any 'larger.' On any given day, probably 30% of the spam emails I receive promise to inflate my "ego" (I paraphrase to protect the delicate disposition of the reader). Unfortunately, all research studies, investigating all possible methods, have conclusively shown that nothing works. Anatomy and modern medicine defeat scam every time - the only thing being inflated is the wallet of the spammer.
If you're trying to sell me a fake watch, don't put "sold out" in the subject line. I'll believe you. What is it with watch spam? They're the only messages that insist on using this catch-phrase. Makes them very easy to spot.
It is illegal in this country to buy prescription drugs without seeing a doctor. It's probably also a very silly idea to self-diagnose anyway. We have also read any number of horror stories of people receiving different or poorly manufactured drugs. Drugs so bad that you wouldn't give them to your dog (as it were!).
I already have a degree. I worked very hard for 5 years to get it – I'd love to know how you think I can get one with a day's effort. More than that, I'd love to hear your thoughts on how it would stand up to the lightest of scrutiny.
I didn't enter any lotteries. Neither did my email address. You'd be astonished to see the number of emails that start off "Congratulations, your email address has just won $xxx in the Yyyy lottery." Gosh, I'll be sure to tell my email address how fortunate it is!
I know how to spell, so if you swap numbers and other characters for various letters, it just irritates me. No real people I know would think to do that.
Sending me an identical subject line from 20 different addresses is a very good clue! Why is it that the spammers think that this is a good idea? I see a flood of identical messages in my inbox, all coming in at the same time; gosh, it must be important – I'll open all of them!
Well, that's about all I have. If readers can offer other suggestions, I'd love to see them in the comments.
Fire away!
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