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Having received an ample share of Spam in a multitude of mail boxes, I'd like to offer the spammers some advice on how to get my attention.

Dear Spammer,

I'm writing to offer some friendly advice that might assist you in targeting me more effectively.  I do realise the following advice is all in the negative, but allow me to assume you're an intelligent lad and will be able to read between the lines and come up with better methods.

In the mean-time, perhaps my fellow victims might be able to learn a little more about your methods in order to protect themselves.

The following, in no particular order, are some pointers to improving the Spam offering.  Consider them mileposts on the road to success for spammers; defeat all of them and spam becomes a success.

Readers, please note that my main email address is with Gmail, thus the majority of comments reflect that environment.

Oddly, I don't write emails to myself.  It is astonishing how many spam emails use my own address, masqueraded with some bogus name, as the sending address.  All I have to do is hover the mouse over the fake name to see my own address as the 'real' sender.

I actually do know how to spell 'Cialis' and 'Viagra.'  I'm not that stupid!  If you misspell the product name in the subject line, I'm probably going to spot it.  This goes for pretty-well every other medicinal product too.  However, you have a small advantage – if you convince me it works, you at least get to the next stage.

I'm not religious.  If you appeal to some deity in the subject, you're junked.  You'd be amazed (perhaps not) how many money scams appeal to my respect for the same god as the spammer.  Unfortunately, my first reaction is to (mentally) accuse the sender of blasphemy – how dare they invoke that deity in support of their illegal activity.

Just how many widows of African despots are there?  I know they must exist, but why is it that they all seem to have the money in strange places and need my help to retrieve it?

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David Heath

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David Heath has over 25 years experience in the IT industry, specializing particularly in customer support, security and computer networking. Heath has worked previously as head of IT for The Television Shopping Network, as the network and desktop manager for Armstrong Jones (a major funds management organization) and has consulted into various Australian federal government agencies (including the Department of Immigration and the Australian Bureau of Criminal Intelligence). He has also served on various state, national and international committees for Novell Users International; he was also the organising chairman for the 1994 Novell Users' Conference in Brisbane. Heath is currently employed as an Instructional Designer, building technical training courses for industrial process control systems.

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