Yes! George Lucas promises to stop ruining Star Wars!!

Alex Zaharov-Reutt
Thursday, 19 January 2012 15:23

Opinion and Analysis

George Lucas, the great Star Wars director (and hypocrite who railed against directors screwing up their classic movies in a 1988 letter to Congress), has finally stated that he's not going to make any more Star Wars movies or make any more changes. Thank God, Thank Darth, Thank Luke, Thank freakin' everyone.

OPINION: George Lucas, the man famous for creating Star Wars, and then continually ruining it, has told the New York Times his days of Star Wars destruction are finally over.

George Lucas has been railed against for making Han shoot second, for making Darth Vader say 'nooooo' in one of the most famous wordless scenes of all time, who purposefully made Anakin Skywalker into the world's biggest wuss (when he could have been a true evil genius instead), and for doing all kinds of things that made me write an article entitled: 'George Lucas: a one man hive of scum and villainy'.

Now, it transpires that he's giving up the gig of ruining his creations, telling the New York Times regarding the Star Wars movies that: 'Why would I make any more when everybody yells at you all the time and says what a terrible person you are?'

Well, Mr Lucas, because you have been a hypocrite, plain and simple, a man who once was on the light side of the force, but who plainly went to the dark side, going against YOUR VERY OWN WORDS!!!

The 'Save Star Wars' website has a letter from George Lucas written to Congress in 1988.

One very salient part of this letter states: 'People who alter or destroy works of art and our cultural heritage for profit or as an exercise of power are barbarians, and if the laws of the United States continue to condone this behavior, history will surely classify us as a barbaric society.

'The preservation of our cultural heritage may not seem to be as politically sensitive an issue as "when life begins" or "when it should be appropriately terminated," but it is important because it goes to the heart of what sets mankind apart. Creative expression is at the core of our humanness. Art is a distinctly human endeavor. We must have respect for it if we are to have any respect for the human race.'

So, Mr Lucas, you have dug your own damned grave, and now you complain that WE are yelling at YOU, saying what a 'terrible person you are''¦ when YOU did what YOU railed against?!?

Thank goodness you've finally decided to honour your own thoughts, sentiments and desires, and have decided to stop stuffing up the Star Wars we all know and love so very much.

Mr Lucas, we do love you for having had the foresight and vision to create such an amazing world, from such a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, and we thank you for finally deciding it's just not worth the pain of going against your own original conscience and the anger of billions who saw their treasured memories wilfully altered by you.

Naturally, Mr Lucas isn't going to go hungry - cinemas worldwide are soon to start showing Star Wars Episode I, The Phantom Menace in 3D, with every movie to follow in 3D thereafter once again, undoubtedly earning very well-earned billions of dollars once more.

But at least the tweaks, the changes, the everything we know and love being changed'¦ is going to finally stop.

Yoda, Anakin and Old Ben can finally rest in ghostly peace, and when George Lucas one day passes, he can rest knowing that, in the end, he finally did the right thing. There was good in him after all.

Thank you George Lucas. Mos Eisley's calling for you is, at last, cancelled.